Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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