She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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