that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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