walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
