WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i dont even know how to be here
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Randomize
