sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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