closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm at about main and main street
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
