Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
