Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
