i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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