i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
