Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I cannot find my penis.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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