I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
