And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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