My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
