Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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