why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
