I'm lost and stupid without you.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
