I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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