Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
