She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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