dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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