It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
