She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
