it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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