yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wannas sexs uuuuu
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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