No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
