On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so that wasnt chicken after all
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
