guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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