Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
