Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
