Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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