Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
