You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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