hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
