Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My balls are so social today.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my shit smells like andre
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
