i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
