Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
