So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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