I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
