yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
