so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
