so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
