dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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