Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
