Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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