Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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