New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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