I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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