And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
